my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
