When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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