Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize