i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
