fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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