My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
