im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
