Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
