the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
