I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
