You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
