Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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