Apparently you make a good broom.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
