like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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