Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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