Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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