I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize