Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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