who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
