you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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