I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
