that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
