Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
