In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
