To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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