So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
