And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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