Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
