belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
