it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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