I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
