I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
