i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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