I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
