i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
