I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
