My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
