Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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