I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize