I think I am morally bankrupt
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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