dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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