your thong is hanging out like whoa
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
