youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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