I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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