your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
