Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize