I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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