Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
