I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
