Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
