thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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