I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
