i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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