I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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