i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
