Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
