clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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