shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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