Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I want is dick and wine.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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