I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
