Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
