Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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