i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
