So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
