just tell him i said nine months
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize