There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
