Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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