my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
