and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There was a lot of him and a little penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need a beard to bite.
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