I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
