Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
