my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
