Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
