The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
