I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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