Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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