the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
40s are totally the cure
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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