thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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