Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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