The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize