whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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