you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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