a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
