You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
