I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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