Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
