just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i came on her dog
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
